I get a text: “Want to join us for some beers later?”
Urgh, the second night out of three and I was just contemplating sitting here by myself the whole evening. Still, they are only here for another night, and they made all the effort to come and see me that last time I was over. I should go out.
I text back. “Ok great, let me know when you’re heading out”
No reply. I wait and wait and then decide to get on my bike and head in anyway before it gets too late.
The evening is fun. We have a few drinks, and the conversation, though tricky at times, smooths out and even becomes enjoyable. Another joins, another with whom I don’t have a close relationship. Still, we have a couple of laughs and another drink or two.
Then we move on to a quieter place where we can talk. And then the other makes a mistake. He oversteps, and I overreact, but somehow I hit a drunken groove and call him out not for the sake of tonight or his dumb opinions but because of some earlier, buried infraction. A past trauma, something I’d let fester. I struggle to find my coat and leave, sweeping out haphazardly into the night and away.
I feel exhilarated, but sad. I was justified in being angry, but I’ve been here before. Reacting. Ruining an evening. I shouldn’t have come out. I should not have been a people pleaser, trying to please people. What did I contribute just then, other than making another mistake?
But no. Now I’m just catastrophising. Take a breath. Have a sleep. Things will get unbent in the morning.
This Way, Burnout Lies
When you’re pushing yourself hard, the road becomes narrow. You are on the path, working hard, but your focus is wearing you down. If you have ADHD, then it’s likely you’re burning yourself out slowly but surely. The more you focus, the more you force yourself to focus, the faster the candle is burning. Also, we ADHDers love to please people, we’re always there when the attention is given to us, like a puppy ready for a scratch behind the ear. We crave that connection and will do anything to make it happen. However longer term, jumping whenever anyone shows us some attention is not a healthy way to live. We must define our boundaries and be watchful.
Moments like this inform us about our trajectory. I shouldn’t have gone out because I was tired. I was tired from overwork. I worked too hard to make something happen – to “move the needle” on something. I went out to drink to bury the busyness in my head. I went out to think about something else other than what I was buried in.
Wrapping it Up For the Holidays
So last night the penny finally dropped. Picking fights with people is just a symptom of the situation. I’ve been pushing hard enough, and now it’s time to do nothing for a few weeks.
Make sure you do the same. Make sure you recognise the signs, and stop pushing, stop needing distraction from your tired brain. Give yourself time to rest and heal. Stop thinking that you need to be everywhere doing everything.
Have a great Christmas. Make it peaceful for yourself. Make it peaceful for your brain. Give yourself a break.