I’ve been reading Quiet by Susan Cain.
Only a few pages in I’m reminded about a story that makes me ashamed and a little sad.
I was a new engineering manager trying to establish myself in a new organisation. I was an old hand at being an engineer and certainly wasn’t a new leader. I had led teams in a way that I thought was authentic and effective. It wasn’t necessarily how managers managed teams, for sure, but it was deeply human. That meant always being thoughtful about leadership and allowing the team to tell me what they thought we should do.
But management isn’t just about delivering content. While I’d got some way towards being able to drive teams towards outcomes, I still had a lot to learn about people. Not least myself.
And a few months into my new assignment, I’d already screwed it up and made a few enemies along the way. The job bumbled on for a while longer, but the damage had already been done, and I exited the company within a couple of years. Neither of us was very happy with that outcome.
So what did I do and what went wrong?
Learning As I Went
As an introvert and autodidact, I’d pretty much stumbled into the best way to lead. However, this approach had its limitations purely due to a lack of experience and a lack of confidence. When officially taking up a new role in engineering management, I changed the formula simply because I didn’t know any better. I was scared that I would be found out. I had a full stack of imposter syndrome.
In previous jobs, I gravitated towards teams with problems. The tougher the problem, the bigger the challenge, the more I wanted to fix it. I would volunteer, get stuck in, and make a success of that particular project. I’d done this by encouraging the team to listen to the customers more. This worked of course – it’s like magic. Listen and react to the customers and you’ll start delivering what they want.
And while this works project-by-project, people management is a long-term game. Fixing customer problems one at a time doesn’t necessarily help the individuals doing the work. It gives everyone a sense of accomplishment, but it’s a work-centric view of the world, which isn’t enough to sustain an organisation or the relationships which make it.
And here’s the hard truth: you can’t apply your technical skills to the organisation you see around you. People aren’t a problem you can fix
My early successes in leadership only compounded this critical error. I was effective when everything was going well, but I wasn’t so good at persuading others to do things for the betterment of the team and the organisational goals when things got trickier.
I couldn’t persuade people to do things against their best interests, either. Why should I? These aren’t their best interests, and I don’t even know what their best interests are a lot of the time.
So right there, was the classic mistake. I’d stopped doing what I’d got right in the first place. I’d stopped listening and started talking. I’d started demanding.
The Extrovert Ideal
I’d fallen into the typical introvert trap of believing that success can only come about by using what I saw around me. As Susan Cain calls it, I was using the Extrovert Ideal.
Worse, I’d seen how my extrovert boss was leading and tried to copy it. Even though I knew it wouldn’t work for me, I copied it simply because he was the one who was leading. I was just so unconfident in my own abilities that I wouldn’t listen to my own experience and knowledge to the contrary.
The truth is, I already knew what to do because I’d already been doing it all along. I just needed to listen better and longer.
After reading one story from ‘Quiet’ I immediately realised how inauthentic I had been.
Taking a Step Back
How can you help yourself become a better leader? First, make sure that you know your leadership style. You already know this deep down. And if you’re reading this, you probably already know what I’m going to say.
If you’re an introvert, or you suspect that you are, then read Quiet. Or at least read part 1. It’s good.
Secondly, read David L. Marquet’s book Turn This Ship Around. I knew that if this was good enough for the US Navy, then it was definitely good enough for me.
Perhaps I should have read “What Got You Here Won’t Get You There“. Check out James Clear’s great summary of it if you’d like to know more but suffice to say that there’s plenty of good advice for the newbie manager.
The Power of Listening
Finally, if you want to learn the power of empowering your team, here’s a great quote from a LinkedIn post by John Cutler about the relationship with his son which also resonated:
“The basic advice was to tame my response to my son “complaining” (by responding with a mix of positivity, encouragement, etc.), and just listen instead. It made me see that my response was about my discomfort not his. It was getting in the way. Over time this has left him feeling more supported and more resilient. And me feeling more in touch with what was bothering me.”
Don’t impose. Listen. Learn. Adapt yourself and then think through the problems with your team.
If you, as a leader, can diffuse tension and include everyone, you will have a happier team. A happy team is not only fun to work with but also delivers the best results.